:) its just me

Its been awhile since my last blogging. Days has been flies quickly as I guess I dont have time to 'write out' myself and to figure out what do I really want. My job was pretty attached and again, I do not enjoy it well. As the friendliness from colleagues and the packed hospitality schedule has made myself feeling suffocated. I cant breathe. I just feeling that the fake masks around me is so terrying that I wanted to just walk out and to really be myself. Can I be really just myself? I cant.  And im feeling suffocated to struggle between to be a responsible wife and mother or I should just be myself and to grant for what I should deserved for. Do I really deserved for what I really want to be? Do I have the rights to really just to be myself and to runaway from all these responsibilties? I feel like killing myself at every moment. Im not happy at all. Seeing my son having dilemma with cyberworld, and having the job which is my main breadwinner concern but is not what I passion...

回来家里3天了 也是时候 收拾心情 又回去冷冰冰的城市里生活了 😔 在家住了几天 爸爸也和我们一起飞回他的另一头家 这个家 也只留下 静静的四周围 好感触 说 也因婆婆都离开我们了 也是事实 也可见 我们需要回家乡的理由更少了 还何况 爸爸也不打算是在这里养老了 😔 那种心情 有谁真的可以体会呢 讨厌现实生活中 所要面对真真假假  假假真真 的虚伪社会 为了 找吃 为了 有自己的社交圈子 而也就任人摆布 说走就走 说留就留 但往往 也忘了自己的初心 你真的忘了 你自己属于那一类型的团体吗 孩子的无奈 孩子的不懂的沟通 让我快崩溃了 一样的选择逃避 一样的不想面对 原谅吗米对你的严格 对你的不体谅 但 我真的不知该如何做 连自己的 情绪都不能打理好 又怎么可以把你带入 适合的路途呢 也只好等 继续等。 请耐心点。 

Things are getting much challenged. Id been awake easily 5 times within 5 hours. Just to make sure my son is doing OK and to find out what is rolling in his mind.  Finally, found his little notes at 3.30am and I'd replied him. Frankly, I was totally speechless by having known he text the driver by using my name and saying that he is not going to school for two days with the reason because Im not around.  First, its not right by having lies saying you need to use the phone to check on ther things.  Second, if you refuse to go the camp this weekend, give a valid reason which can support. You told me you are not good making friends and rather releasing stress at home by having your PC time with your friends.  Fine. But you should be telling me the truth by rather making this move.  Lastly,  Mummy is not blaming you for having poor results and please dont give yourself pressure by pushing yourself so hard for this new environment. It takes time to adapt.  ...

Its been awhile for not writing with the reason that the job had not been under my expectations and things had been swaying away from the track. And I'd finally decided to attend my uncle shuyi class, with the reason that I have my sense that its time to fix myself and make the right decision which follow my own will rather just to please anyone else. And yet, I guess I had made the right choice.  Attended the class by knowing a little bit more about myself and to know and understand how to conquer the other side of feelings, by having myself at the priority. By doing this is not being selfish, its just treating myself for abit more reasonable and fair with any of the games. Eventually, the career opportunities with the right job offer comes to me immediately just less than one week after I'd tender my resignation. And it seems things has been under controlled and as what I expected to have a new chapter of shiny life by starting November. And of course, not to forget to well s...

瞬间 我觉得 好像变成了孤儿 常说 养母不及生母大 婆婆公公就像我再生父母 从小就依赖着 大家心目中的 刁蛮公主 从小就被宠 要风得风 要雨得雨 就这样我自己也快要44岁了 婆婆也就这样走了 也不多说两句 看看我 就这样手✋变僵了😫😫 我来迟了吗 请原谅我一直的忽略 常说忙 常说要拨电话 但也没什么下文 还觉得 每次你打来的的时候 都不是对的时候 就这样随便 应酬你就算了 😔 婆婆 你还好吗 觉得我的家 也就好像变空了 每个在家的角落 都是我们小时候的回忆 你那用心 和那份耐性 也只有你肯溺爱这个孙女  我还有很长的路要走吧？ 我真的不喜欢长大 🫤 责任和那份人与人之间 所需要和谐的那份心 说真 我不是 很愿意。 婆婆 请保佑我有更强大的心 来面对接下来的 更多挑战 你还在吗  ❤ 想念

Finally! I managed get to keep my boy gadgets - phone, dongle and nintendo. Definitely not easy.  Struggle for two weeks, everynight to have a check what time is he sleeping. And his 'low sugar level' kind of attitude making people crazy. And again, we are not sure or perhaps he play it smart way to have his hidden gadget and to 'utilise' it at the right timing. First attempt, yesterday said not feeling well hard to breath and so brought him to doctor and ended up with gas reflux at tummy and so with lots of medication. And doctor given him a long consultation about sleeping early and 'screen time'. And it seem working 'a lil bit', he slept early. Second attempt, he said he fever and not going to school. I doubt. As what my instinct telling me, his only buddy is not in the class, having a 'holiday' for two weeks! So, Hello?? Why should I bother to go to school? Nothing intresting and no buddy.  Third thing, we found out that  he recently secretly...