myself

Its been awhile since my last blogging. Days has been flies quickly as I guess I dont have time to 'write out' myself and to figure out what do I really want.

My job was pretty attached and again, I do not enjoy it well. As the friendliness from colleagues and the packed hospitality schedule has made myself feeling suffocated. I cant breathe. I just feeling that the fake masks around me is so terrying that I wanted to just walk out and to really be myself.

Can I be really just myself?

I cant. 

And im feeling suffocated to struggle between to be a responsible wife and mother or I should just be myself and to grant for what I should deserved for.

Do I really deserved for what I really want to be? Do I have the rights to really just to be myself and to runaway from all these responsibilties?

I feel like killing myself at every moment. Im not happy at all. Seeing my son having dilemma with cyberworld, and having the job which is my main breadwinner concern but is not what I passion of, and with a relationship breakdown between husband and wife is another adding pain for me. I feel everything is just so upside down.

I am sad because I dont have the courage to face all this naked truth and yet again Im still wearing the mask everyday.