Its been another year since my last post. And here i am again by writing blog whereas i realise i have no one to turn to. Its pathetic. Lastnight at one moment, i felt like i wwnt ro commit suicide. I m not capable to handle my emotions anymore. And the next moment i feel like i want to runaway from this 'trapped situation' of mine and i notice i have no where to go. No more other homes for me, and no more someone close that I can just do nothing and be myself. I miss ahnek so much. Every day at this hour, i would expect her call to check on me but yet at one point i felt she is annoyed that I needed to 'talk' with her and now deserved me! that i wont get that call anymore. Im terrified and im lost. Am i being strong enough to stand for what I supposed to be infront of everyone for a short period of time or like I always mention, till when the kids are fully grown-up. And when would that be? I cant even afford to have a proper meal myself and yet I need to snatch my da...
it was a nice movie. Thanks for the exclusive platinum ticket! I enjoyed well :) Eventually, it was a good movie, much better than Transformer3? And the girl - Evangeline-Lilly is just so gorgeous so pretty, Aww.. I'm so attracted with her! Just wonder, how come they can be so pretty, and yet when I look into the mirror and reflecting about my own look. To be true, I just cant take it when I see the fine lines are slowing "blurp-ing" out from my corner of my both eyes. Its really saddening. :( Anyway, sometimes I just miss my long hair. Once I told my guy friend saying that a girl with the long hair will always stand a bigger chance to win over the guy's heart. "Oh, not really, it depends, some they just look good with short hair" "Hmm.. then how about me?" Just wonder, Is that a wrong choice to cut it short and never can be kept long again?
Its been awhile since my last blogging. Days has been flies quickly as I guess I dont have time to 'write out' myself and to figure out what do I really want. My job was pretty attached and again, I do not enjoy it well. As the friendliness from colleagues and the packed hospitality schedule has made myself feeling suffocated. I cant breathe. I just feeling that the fake masks around me is so terrying that I wanted to just walk out and to really be myself. Can I be really just myself? I cant. And im feeling suffocated to struggle between to be a responsible wife and mother or I should just be myself and to grant for what I should deserved for. Do I really deserved for what I really want to be? Do I have the rights to really just to be myself and to runaway from all these responsibilties? I feel like killing myself at every moment. Im not happy at all. Seeing my son having dilemma with cyberworld, and having the job which is my main breadwinner concern but is not what I passion...
Comments
Post a Comment